I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
