My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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