thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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