It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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