just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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