You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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