you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
