Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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