So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
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Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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