I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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