i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
