If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
