it's too hot outside to masturbate.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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