he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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