you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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