Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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