wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
