He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
