every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
