Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
