I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
