I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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