R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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