my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
