we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
