do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
