we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
