if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
