Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
