Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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