his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
