I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
