she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
