had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
