the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
