why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
time to smoke my breakfast
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
