her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
