and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
