found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
