remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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