Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
