Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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