You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
