I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
