And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
