when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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