I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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