You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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