He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
