pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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