I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
