Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
