Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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