my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
