While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
