I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
