About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
