I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
