remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
