The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
