The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
