my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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