went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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