you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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