He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
