Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
