Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
