He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
