I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
