i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
