I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
