Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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