$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
