just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
did you just send me my own nude
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
