okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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